3 month body update

FFS. So by now these body updates should be about how I'm living some uber healthy lifestyle and working towards my pre-pregnancy figure. Reality? The other day I looked at a photograph on my Instagram from this time last year, where I'm a size 6 and taking photos of myself in a mirror, in a bikini, above several comments from people asking how I got such defined abs. I looked at the picture and then spooned an extra mound of sugar in to my coffee before sloping off to the sofa with a packet of chocolate digestives.
 
 
 
I want to be one of those women who's like "my body did amazing things and I'm proud of my soft belly". Here's the thing - my body did do amazing things, I had an incredible pregnancy which was one of the loveliest spiritual experiences of my life. I birthed my daughter on my own, on my knees, in my bedroom, without feeling any pain. I breastfeed her around the clock and she's now almost double her birth weight at 14 weeks. I'm proud of me. My body is awesome. My strength of mind, determination to do what I perceive to be the best thing for my children, and my ability to soldier on through the tiredness and the various boob-related illnesses, rocks. I still don't love the soft belly though.
 
This is also entirely self inflicted. Yes, it's normal to change shape during pregnancy. No, I didn't expect to be a size 6 with amazing abs again immediately after having a baby. What I did expect though was to have the motivation and desire to kick out the sugar and other processed crap from my diet, exercise more and start working towards something vaguely resembling good health. Fail.
 
So - this month's body update is more of a psych evaluation, because I can't work out why I'm being one of those annoying people that complains about their weight and does absolutely naff all to alter it. I know I've said this before (and you'd think that putting it out there on a public platform would work too), but this coming month, I absolutely have to shop and eat smarter because whilst I've just maintained weight since giving birth, I'm going to start gaining it at any moment, and I'm already uncomfortable.
 
At the moment I'm a size 12 - which I appreciate is by no means an unhealthy size to be. I'd ideally like to be closer to the size 10 mark by Christmas. I'm probably never going to be a size 6 again, I've had two children, I'm 28 next week - and I only got that slim because I was so stressed I was seconds away from spontaneous combustion, so it isn't really desirable anyway.
 
I've already established that my worst habits are; sitting down too much because I breastfeed for about 14 hours a day, having two sugars in coffee, eating biscuits for lunch, and failing miserably on the vegetable front. This is basic health common sense and I'm usually so hot on this stuff, that I'm genuinely pissed off with myself!
 
I'm currently trying to decide whether to do the old "too small dress technique", i.e buy myself a nice dress for Christmas in a size too small and torture myself until it fits... there are probably 101 reasons why this is completely ill advised.
 
I'm 99% sure it's totally normal to feel like this a few months after having a baby. I always think, in scenarios like this "if this were my best friend's problem, what would I say?" - and I know I'd be a fountain of reassurance and positivity so I should really throw some of that kindness in my own direction... but still... I think I might have back fat.
 

No comments:

Post a Comment