How Pregnancy Changed Our Relationship

I think we've covered the background enough already right? But for those who are new to the blog, Boyfriend and I had only been together for a few short months when I fell pregnant, quite by accident and thoroughly unplanned. We were still very much in the earliest possible days of our relationship, that's not to say that we weren't incredibly and deeply in love (that's pretty much what got us here), nor did we have any questions at the time about whether or not we wanted to be together. However, I wasn't (and still am not) yet divorced from my husband, we didn't live together, we had no other shared responsibilities, and what's more, we'd both discussed pretty early on (because you have to when you decide to be a grown up) that neither of us was interested in having any more children. Boyfriend's two sons are eleven and fifteen, Seb, who features here regularly, is five, and we were both pretty happy with the parenting cards we'd been dealt.
 
An unexpected pregnancy is certainly one way to shake things up.
 
Oddly, from Day 1, I never once worried about whether the shared responsibility of raising a child would be damaging to our relationship. The strength of the bond between us, the intensity with which we love and adore one another, and the lengths that I know we'd both go to, to keep the other safe and happy, have always appeared impenetrable to me. We had the "will we be strong enough for this?" conversation, but my response was always a resounding "yes, of course."
 
In fact, whilst Baby hasn't yet arrived, and I know that his/her arrival will change the dynamic of our relationship all over again, pregnancy itself has changed us in ways I wasn't really expecting, or at least I think it has, but who's to say that things wouldn't have developed this way anyway?
 
I'm comforted by how much more open it's made us (me) with one another. I can be intensely private at times, often to my own detriment, and a desire for privacy can often appear to others as dishonesty. I differentiate quite happily between "keeping stuff from people" and just "having my own stuff going on"  which I often forget, makes me appear secretive a lot of the time. Pregnancy allows less and less for this though, layers gradually get peeled back and suddenly everything, from your daily whereabouts to your spending habits, lunch choices and bowel movements, are shared property. That sounds horribly intrusive, but it's just the way that our relationship has evolved over the course of the pregnancy that we (I) have developed such a deep and unquestioning trust in one another that life feels far more shared - even though we still don't live together or have much by way of shared responsibilities other than this one, fragile little life.
 
I can't believe just how close this pregnancy has brought us, considering the fact that we've still not been a couple for a year! We've been inseparable since the beginning, and I've no doubt that we'd have grown closer and closer throughout the space of the year anyway, but this Baby has bought down so many walls, it has mellowed us a little but added such a deep running layer of contentment beneath us that I couldn't feel safer, more secure, in my relationship than I do right now - at a time when I know many relationships would be struggling to weather the storm after creating a new life so early on. We are very lucky, to have found one another as much as to have unintentionally created something so precious, I think.
 
Boyfriend has become a whole several degrees more protective which I imagine is bog standard of expectant Fathers, but it's lovely to see. I don't mean that weird possessive form of protection but it's kind of adorable to see the concern that he has for Baby's wellbeing and thus mine in turn.
 
We have a different connection now, still the same one we had as crazy, slightly over the top lovers, but now there's this whole new dimension to our relationship whereby we are tied together by something far greater than the some of our two characters, and I guess because I didn't experience that at all with Seb's Dad, it blows me away somewhat.
 
I posted before about how I felt about "sharing pregnancy" this time around, rather than going solo as I did before, and how different the experience is for me to be one of two expectant parents, you can read that post here.
 
 
 
The Dad Network

5 comments:

  1. That is great how pregnancy has brought you closer together, it must have intensified things as you had not been together long. But I too remember how things changed between me and my husband, definitely talking about feelings more and talking about the future with kids, it's really a change for the better :-) #mummymonday Sabrina xx

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  2. I must be all at once amazing and make you sad that you didn't have that support before hand. sometimes these great things bring the things we missed out on into a sharp perspective. Great to hear about your relationship. #mummymonday

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  3. I think it is such an exciting time! All the new things are really fun to learn and do together #mummymonday

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  4. Congratulations on the new person to be! It's great that it's bought you both closer together very quickly and made you both want to do things differently / better this time around.

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  5. I am completely over the top in love too and understand the deeper connection on top of that. It's great isn't it. Congratulations. ps Make sure dad join The dad Network :) #bigfatlinky

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